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A Search Marketer’s Letter To Father Christmas

Hello Santa,

How are you? How’s the North Pole? Is it cold? I bet its cold.

Firstly, I want to say how much I’ve always liked you. Even that year you brought me a jigsaw puzzle and science kit when all my friends got BMX’s and skalextric sets. I didn’t hold it against you. Most of all, I like your beard and plan someday on growing as fine a beard myself.

Anyway, I’ve been an incredibly good boy this year, I’ve worked really hard, I’ve collected for charity, I’ve helped the elderly across the street and I’ve only drunkenly embarrassed myself on one night out (that I can remember anyway). So with these good deeds in mind, I wondered if you could please fill my stocking with a few extra things this year to make my job in search marketing a little easier in 2014. Here’s what I’d like;

- The Google ranking algorithm with all 300+ ranking factors listed by importance. This might be a difficult one for you, but perhaps with all your chimney experience you could break into Google and steal it for me?

- While you’re there if you could kindly ask Google to “provide” all my keyword data? Anytime I go near a keyword report in Analytics it’s “not provided”. And no Santa, don’t let them trick you with talk of webmaster tools.

- Speaking of keywords, can we get the old Google Keyword tool back? The new Google keyword planner is pretty crap. In fact if you could just invent a tool that automatically does all the keyword research and writes the adtext for me that would be just great.

- an iPad. Because my days of taking pen and paper to meetings are over. Over I say!

- Could you arrange a few more people in Ireland to start searching on Bing/Yahoo? Google have a 95% share here. A little competition would be nice.

- If you could ask Bing to just copy the AdWords interface – and release a few more innovations and ad extensions.

- If you could ask Google to slow down a little on releasing innovations and ad extensions. It’s getting difficult to keep up.

- Could you get some people to follow me on Google+ & Twitter? I currently have one follower on G+ and 28 on Twitter. In return I promise to actually post things of interest.

- Larry or Sergey’s debit card and pin number.

- A pair of Google glasses – just for curiosities sake.

- All my December client reporting waiting in my inbox for January 2nd.

That’s it Santa. I know you’ll be busy delivering all those X-box’s and One Direction albums, but if you could please bring me the above I would greatly appreciate it. There will be mince pies a plenty and a pint of Guinness waiting for you at my house.

Yours sincerely,

A Search Marketer